No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
