Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
how drunk are you?
Several
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
