Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
