I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
