had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
