Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
