i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
