It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
