the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
