Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
