i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I stole a fireplace last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
