i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
