i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
