help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
