Sponge bath it is.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
