Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
