Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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