she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
