do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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