Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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