can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
