i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
