You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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