Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
