You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
