Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
