that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
