i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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