We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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