I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
