I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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