Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bring me that man meat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
