Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
