Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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