my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
