I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
