i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i will never coherently bang her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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