I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
