i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
