If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The uberlube is also flammable
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
