Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My liver just broke up with me...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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