Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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