He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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