We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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