Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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