I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
