I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
