Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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