so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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