Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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