I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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