If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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