and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
